Certain People Are Mistaken

All day today, I have been reflecting on my emotions, i had let out two good cries. The last time I cried was last October when I lost a roommate to rare disease that's slow dying inside her. I realized that's the last time i actually cried. So why did I cried twice today? And I am going to cry when I type this tonight because it's raw emotions that's impacted me hard. This is something that I would like to say something to make you think twice, make you feel guilty of yourself for things that you have done. You know what I don't understand, I don't understand why people do this shit to ruin or to destroy others' self esteem? Or their trust? Or even the worse, discovered the dirty truth. Well, all of these are shitting me out right now and I am typing this because it's only way that makes me feel better. To get all of it out of me before head to bed for the night. Once I am done with this, I am going to leave social media for a while because honestly, what's the point for me to continue using social media other than keep in touch? 

Word Description: a white background with words: "Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before"

Now that's true, you know why? When people make mistakes, they learn how to let it go, learn how to let people go and I know how hard it is to let people that you love. Honestly, I know it's much better when you let that person go for good because when you let it go, you don't have to worry about their shit toward you. I know because I have been there and I should have delete them out of my life. All I can do is forgive them and move on but I won't forget the situation that they have put me in. So for that, today remind me of that so it's definitely time for me to let certain people go. I don't care what they're feeling, i am doing what's the best for me. The ironic part about life is that if you don't make mistakes, you will not learn anything, if you don't feel any pain, you haven't move on, and the best part about this...if you make mistakes, you already experienced the pain, that means you have learned your lesson. 

Word Description: A black background with words: "Anything that hurts you can teach you, and if it keeps hurting you, it's because you haven't learned". 

Like I said, life is irony. 

I have been throughout a lot for past five years because as single woman, you have embrace friendships, especially when it comes to make friends with ladies. It hasn't been easy for me to make new friends who's ladies because it's hard for me to trust women generally especially when it comes to DeafBlind ladies because honestly, community are small and smaller every day. We all live in hearing world which is biggest, I live in deaf community which is small and I live in DeafBlind community which is smaller than deaf community. I have easily make friends with guys more than girls. I don't know why so please don't ask. Anyways, at this point, sometimes it's not easy to remain friends with ladies especially the ones that I thought that I am close with but apparently not. Friendship are complicated shit, and fucked up. People will get around and twist words. 

Three words for you: get a life, set your priories lined up, quit make up the shit, and move on. I forgive you but I am going to kick you out of my life for good. I don't need this, I don't need you. It's your loss, not mine. 

Word Description: A gray background with words: "People can be mean. Don't take it personally. It says nothing about you, but a lot about them"---unknown.

this one is true about myself and this time, I need to stop do that. Look down below: 

Word Description: "I usually give people more chances than they deserve but once I'm done, i'm done".

This is going to be last one, promise! 

Word Description: a black background with words: "Fake friends; once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you. Yep that's right, i discovered who's been going behind my back and took advantage of me. So thank you, i wish you nothing but the best of luck with your life. Don't come back to me and beg me to be friends with you again, I am totally done with you. Completely done. I am tired of feeling like this, it's your loss, not mine. I have to remind myself every day that it's not my fault for being like this, it's YOUR fault for start this and took advantage of people that's care about you and you can't even see that? Ok, good luck. 

Do me a favor? Start delete people out of your life, NOW. Otherwise, you will let them going around and talk shit about you. Unless you don't care, great. Good for you. But I care because sometimes they are not true. Now, I have done something stupid back in the past, I did it out of angry, during that time I was in bad, SUPER bad shape that I couldn't even think straight, I say something bad about a person that I loved and still do, I regret it because I did it out of angry. Angry is ugly and something rare that I don't do often. When you see me, you see most sweetheart, but very strong woman at the same time. That's what people see me as. So, if you don't see my name in your life, you know the truth. It's time for me to say goodbye to you, wish you nothing but good luck. 

After this being posted, I am going to take a break from social media for a while that's included Instagram, Snapchat, and other apps. It's time for me to do REAL self care this time, people can be pissed me off, it's making my emotions going up in the air, and it's exhausted me. I don't need this right now. 

To certain people, you can go fuck yourself. 

To people who always been there for me, thank you. I love you. 

Tactile love to all of you! 

Samantha